The Sound of Salvation (Deliverance Book 1) Page 13

  THOMAS

  Again, then again

  I handed the taxi driver a twenty-pound note, exiting the car the minute Nick’s and Mel’s taxi turned right at the end of the street. There was no way I would leave without checking on Nadia. She looked worse than I ever saw her even before Nick started the interrogation about Adrian yet again.

  He seemed oblivious to the severity of Nadia’s issues. Consumed by the need to find out why she ended it with Adrian, he failed to notice the small things—her anxious state, the torment in her eyes, pills she swallowed like candy and reluctance to being touched… The list went on, and somehow, I was the one person who paid enough attention to see that her scars ran deeper than anyone could guess.

  I climbed the flight of stairs to the first floor and entered her apartment, dreading to see what state she was in. The place looked just as we left it ten minutes earlier—dark and silent if not for the white LED lights in the kitchen.

  Nadia stood by the breakfast bar, face wet. A box of paracetamol laid on the countertop. The door closed behind me with a quiet click, and her head snapped in my direction. Anxiety on her face and in her stance was visible from fifteen feet away, demolishing my composure.

  I managed three steps focused on Nadia—a fundamental change happened before my eyes; her shoulders sagged, a powerful, choked-back sob shuddered her frame and she ran out of the kitchen, crashing into me like a small, fragile wrecking ball.

  “Make me feel something else.” She hid her face in my chest and fisted my jacket. “Please, make it go away.”

  My stomach twisted in knots. Fear radiated from her in cool waves, the plea in her voice undeniable.

  “I’ve got you.” I wrapped my arms around her. “I won’t let go.”

  Eyes closed, she pressed her lips to mine, digging her fingertips into my neck and forcing me closer. Salty tears in my mouth; dampness of her cheeks on my skin. I wanted to take her to the living room and hold her until the worst was over, but the urgency of her touch told me she wanted more than that. Much more.

  She was vulnerable, scared and my chest squeezed at the thought of giving her what she wanted. I gripped her wrists and pushed her away, regretting the decision when her bottom lip quivered.

  “Don’t do this,” she whispered. “You said …”

  “This isn’t me rejecting you.” Not by a long shot. This was me summoning all the decency that hid deep in my mind. “If you want this, I need to hear you say it.”

  I needed consent or else I would forever feel like I took advantage of the situation.

  She peered up, holding my gaze. “I want you just as much as I need you. Take me to bed. Please.”

  The strength and sincerity of her words could wipe out a small city. Nadia pushed scruples and reasons aside and gave in to the selfish part of her character, the one I wanted her to give in to since day one.

  She needed me. She trusted me to make it all go away, and I wasn’t about to let her down.

  I devoured her parted lips, backing her against the wall. The chemistry between us amplified, escalating our craving to the point of fever. Her muscles relaxed slowly; her body no longer trembled. I was afraid to break away in case it would all turn out to be a dream, but the way my body and my mind reacted to her proximity was definitely real.

  This wasn’t me taking advantage of her. No, it was her using me. I let her. I would let her use me as a ladder to climb out of the ditch.

  The two-week-long struggle came to an end, and the anticipation skyrocketed. My heart pumped blood faster, my body in a state of readiness. Desire spilled under my skin like a drop of ink in a bowl of water.

  A few chaotic, intense minutes later, I laid her on the bed and helped her out of her clothes. The night lamp was on, bathing her naked skin in an orange hue.

  “I’ll be here as long as you need me,” I said.

  “Do you ever stop talking?”

  I brought my lips to her ear. “When I listen to you moan.”

  The good kind of shivers made her tremble. Ten seconds later, I pushed inside of her, watching her doe-like eyes and parted lips.

  Three hundred and forty-eight hours had passed since I last felt her, but I missed the petite brunette as if it was an entire goddamn century.

  With every thrust, every kiss and every touch of my hands on her body, the fear in her eyes subsided. It was surreal. Mere moments of our closeness were enough for the torment to give way.

  And that was the beginning of my end.

  I held her close, locked between my arms, with my hand on her waist the other on the mattress, pumping in and out in a hasty, frantic rhythm. Her nails dug into the skin on my back, and she drew long lines down my shoulder blades, pushing me harder against her hot body.

  “What did I say keeps me quiet? I want to hear you.”

  With each satisfied sound escaping her mouth, I had that moving-objects-with-willpower kind of feeling. I read her with ease and saw when she was about to climax as if she told me so, but this time I was smarter. I wasn’t going to let her come so fast. She had to remember this, long for it, and consequently long for me.

  “Not yet, baby doll.” I slid out of her when she was seconds from release. “You made me wait two weeks.”

  Her eyes widened. “Are you punishing me?”

  Not now, not ever.

  “In the end… It’ll taste like a reward. I promise.”

  Nadia calmed down slowly, but I had all the time in the world. Watching her squirm was more satisfying than anything I had done so far. I rocked back into her when she stopped trembling, but it didn’t take long to bring her to the edge of an orgasm. I stopped again. Then again, and again. Just when I thought we could play until dawn, Nadia looked at me with those fucking large, brown, unbelievable eyes.

  “Thomas… Please.” She grazed my cheek, squeezing her thighs together. “Enough.”

  Everything around us exploded like hundreds of confetti cannons the second I leaned over her, thrusting harder and deeper to give her what she wanted. I would give her everything she could ask for.

  Every. Fucking. Thing.

  CHAPTER 16

  THOMAS

  Food poisoning

  “I want an ice cream!” Maya giggled when we parked outside of Claudia’s house on the outskirts of London after spending four hours at the zoo. She already had two ice creams, a doughnut, and pink cotton candy. One day that girl would grow up to become the most powerful woman in the country.

  She was three years old, but she already knew how to manipulate people. Or maybe it was just me being weak when it came to her. One sad face and I crawled out of my skin to make her smile again. Hence so much candy. Nadia had a similar effect on me, and it looked like not one, but two gorgeous brunettes were walking all over me.

  Hoo-fucking-ray.

  “You know I rarely say no, but this time I have to. Your mum wouldn’t approve. It’s almost lunchtime.”

  Maya giggled, hopped out of the car and outstretched her little hands so that I would pick her up. I did. I always carried her around. Though I should have dismantled the car seat first, as it was damn near impossible to do with one hand.

  Maya draped one hand over my neck, and the other on my cheek, pulling a sad face. “I don’t want you to go.”

  I took the car seat out and closed the door with my knee. “I’m not going yet. You promised to show me your new puzzles, and your mum spent all day cooking, so I’m in for food poisoning.”

  We both knew Claudia wasn’t a good cook. Even Claudia knew it, but she tried hard, and over the course of last year she had gotten better. Like, no-need-for-an-ambulance-on-speed-dial better.

  “Mummy!” Maya screamed when we entered the house, and Claudia emerged from the kitchen. “Okay, well, Thomas took me to the zoo! I saw zebras and lions and monkeys and, and…”

  “Hippos,” I whispered.

  “Hippos and tigers and elephants and birds and snakes!” She bounced up and down when I put her on a granny chair
.

  Claudia’s taste in decorating made me nauseous. A blue leather sofa stood squashed by the wall accompanied by a green recliner from the nineteen-forties—neither vintage nor retro—just old and ugly. It smelled funny too—like sweat, dust and old people.

  The room resembled a second-hand furniture shop. An oval, pine oak coffee table, a glass bookcase, which stood between two small windows to the left from the main door, and a rather sad looking plant in the corner. Nothing worked well, but the thing that made me cringe most was the pink carpet with cream floral patterns. It was hideous.

  Claudia frowned at the sight of Maya’s yellow dress, which was now grey and stained. “I’m not even going to ask. Maya go upstairs, put a different dress on and wash your hands.” She moved her eyes to me. “You want coffee?”

  “No questions? No lecture?” I followed her to the kitchen. “You’re not going to ask how many ice creams I bought her?”

  “Too many, but that’s not important.” She put the kettle on and rested her back on the wall. “Be nice to Richard. He’s important.”

  And the award for The Fastest Way to Trash Thomas’s Good Mood goes to …

  “Is he? More important than Adam?”

  “Why are you acting like this?” She crossed her hands. “You know Adam will always be a part of me, but he’s gone, Thomas. I want to move on.” She drew her bottom lip between her teeth and bit on it to stop herself from bursting into tears. “I want you to meet Richard. I need you to approve.”

  I rubbed my face to ease the frustration and wipe away the guilt. “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can. I can’t stand the thought of you with another guy. You’re Adam’s girl. This isn’t right.”

  I watched my words hurt her and hated to see her on the verge of crying, but I couldn’t lie. Anger sparked a fire in my mind at her imminent betrayal, but a wave of sympathy that washed over me when she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, extinguishing the flames.

  “I’m still Adam’s girl. I’ll always love him, and Richard knows that. I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life.”

  “You’re not alone, Claudia. You’ve got me! I’m here.”

  She chuckled pathetically. “There was a time when I thought we could make it work; I thought we would end up together, you know?”

  I looked up, unsure if I heard her right. “You wanted to date me?”

  The thought of us together never entered my mind for the three and a half years I had known her. Claudia was like the sister I never had. Dating her was out of the question.

  Fuck that, it was never a question. Claudia was family.

  She shook her head, staring at her hands. “I don’t know, I… You’re great with Maya. She loves you to bits. You and me, it seemed safe and sensible, but it would be too messed up to work. We are too messed up. Both of us. But I want to be happy again, and Richard makes me happy. It doesn’t mean I forgot about Adam. I never will.” She swallowed and pressed her hand to her heart. “I’ll never stop loving him. All I’m trying to do is move on because I know Adam would want that.”

  She spoke like Nick and Scorpio, and just like them, she was right. Adam wasn’t here anymore; I couldn’t give her everything she wanted, and she had every right to search for happiness.

  I drew her into my arms. “Just promise me one thing.”

  “Anything.”

  “Promise you’ll take it slow. Promise you’ll be sensible with this guy, and that you won’t kick me out of the picture. I can’t lose you.”

  Claudia clasped her palms on my neck, looking straight into my eyes. “I will always need you, Thomas. We will always need you. And I have been taking it slow with Richard. We’ve been dating for a few months now, but I only introduced him to Maya last weekend.”

  “Does she like him?” An anxious note rang in my voice.

  “Yeah, she likes him, and so will you.” She curled her fingers under my chin. “She likes him, but she loves you.”

  I didn’t need more than that.

  A knock on the front door stopped our conversation. Claudia wiped her face, then smiled, and walked out of the kitchen. I tensed at the sound of a male voice.

  Maya arrived in the room first. She pushed a chair as close to mine as she could, then climbed on it, and made herself comfortable. Her feet dangled in the air and a genuine smile that only children smile was on her face.

  Claudia entered the room, followed by Richard. I knew how to read people and when the nervous guy entered the room I calmed down.

  He was the type every father or brother would approve of at first sight—well-groomed, well-dressed and completely harmless. Straight back, the pace of his steps and the fidgeting told me he cared about my opinion, and so he must have cared about Claudia a great deal.

  As soon as he looked at me, he shrunk in size, but he took the liberty of introducing himself. He extended his arm toward me, not breaking eye-contact.

  “Richard Stanley. Call me Rick”

  “Thomas Calix. Don’t call me Tom.”

  Every time I heard Tom, I saw Sir Tom Jones, heard She’s a Lady and had a tiny mental fit, which was why Nick enjoyed calling me Tom whenever he was in the mood to get on my nerves.

  “I heard a lot about you.” He moved his eyes to Maya. “Hey, Maya. Your mummy told me you visited the zoo today.”

  “Yes! Thomas took me and I saw zebras and lions and monkeys and hippos and tigers and elephants and birds and snakes!”

  This time she counted the animals on her fingers. All the way back home from the zoo she listed the animals on repeat and had ten at the ready to tell Claudia about. Now, with eight fingers up, she looked at me confused.

  “And penguins, and–”

  “And cheetahs!” She jumped in her seat.

  Richard sat by the table and asked Maya which animal she liked best. That kept her babbling for few minutes before she ran out of breath. Claudia poured hot water in three cups, and the smell of coffee filled the small kitchen.

  We sat there for a few hours talking and eating the roast that Claudia prepared—the best meal she cooked to date. Richard was easy going, well-spoken and polite, and by the time it was time for me to leave, I felt better about him dating Claudia. She seemed happier with him, and Maya liked him just the right amount. Apart from my loyalty to Adam, I was out of arguments against their relation.

  Claudia walked me outside, leaving Richard to clear the table with Maya as his assistant. He trusted her to dry the plates.

  “Thank you.” Claudia climbed on her toes to kiss my cheek. “It means a lot that you tolerate him.”

  I hung my jacket in the back of the car. “He seems like a good guy, and you’re right. Adam wouldn’t want you to dwell on the past.”

  “He wouldn’t want you to do that either.”

  I heard that before. Nick said it and so did Scorpio, but it wasn’t until Claudia said it that I believed the words. Her opinion mattered most, and knowing she wanted me to stop wasting my life was more than I expected to hear from her.

  “I’ll remember that.” I pecked her forehead and got in the car. “Call me if you need me.”

  The irony of the past two weeks came crashing down on me when I pulled out onto the main road. I had allowed myself to see past Adam’s death, considered leading my life back to normality after spending over three years convinced that I didn’t deserve it, but the girl I wanted to sort out my shit for was a mess. After witnessing the state she was in last night, I started to doubt that I could help her.

  I did the one thing every self-respecting man would do in my situation—I drove to see someone who always knew best, someone who had an answer to everything, someone who could flick on the light at the end of the maddening, dark tunnel.

  That someone was my mother.

  She was the only person who could tell me what the hell I was supposed to do now. She had an answer to every question and a solution to every problem. Years ago, when I was a little boy, she had Band-Aids. Now, she had advic
e.

  The clock on the dashboard showed eight p.m., but I was always welcome at my parents’ house no matter how late or early. I parked in front of the oversized mansion and smoked a cigarette to clear my head. I stepped inside, greeted by soft classical music reverberating through the rooms.

  It was safe to assume my father wasn’t home. Alistair Calix wasn’t a fan of Tchaikovsky or Bach. My mother on the other hand loved the great composers. It’s funny how people with different backgrounds and interests found their way to each other.

  Monique was born and raised in a wealthy family. Her parents were the London elite. Alistair came from a family of six living in a flat in a small town around Manchester, but he was bright. Brighter than ninety-nine percent of his peers, and his brains secured him a place in one of the most prestigious universities in the world—Cambridge. He met my mother on campus, and thirty years later they were as crazy about each other as the day they met.

  The sounds of violin led me to the library located in the east wing of the house. Yep, it was so big that it had wings. Music grew louder with every step I took. My mother stood by the far window with a glass of red wine in hand, surrounded by rows of ceiling-high bookcases.

  She glanced over her shoulder, and a soft smile curved her lips. She remained silent as if she knew words weren’t what I needed. At least not yet. I wrapped my arms around her middle, resting my forehead on her shoulder.

  There comes a time in every man’s life when after years of teenage rebellion, he appreciates his mother like never before. My time came three and a half years ago when I returned from the army. My mother was the only one who didn’t tell me that the pain of loss would go away. She didn’t try to make me feel better: she allowed me to grieve and was there by my side throughout the stages.

  “I saw Maya today,” I began, eyes closed. “We spent the day at the zoo, and then I met Claudia’s… boyfriend.”

  Monique turned around. “Boyfriend?” Her eyes softened, and she motioned for me to follow her down the hall.

  We sat in the kitchen, and I filled her glass with sweet red wine. I made a drink for myself and took a seat opposite to my mother at the breakfast bar.